If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
