dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
