hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My ass is underappreciated
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
