the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize