i would punch a child for taco bell
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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