I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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