i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
