He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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