my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize