never play flip cup with pint glasses
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
