oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
