You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
