he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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