i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
