We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
