Your tits are I can't wait for
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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