You're completely useless in the revolution.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
