life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
