so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
