To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize