Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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