the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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