I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
