Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
How's work?
Spinning.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
