She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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