There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
