i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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