I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
