you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
