first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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