big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
