She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
