why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I want to walk on stilts...naked
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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