Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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