you would pick up someone in the library
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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