I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
