but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
