My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
