i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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