woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
