I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
