i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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