I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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