I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
