turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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