i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
