I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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