Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
