Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
