im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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