I cannot find my penis.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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