you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
