apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
