he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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