girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
