Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
