i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
