new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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