She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
